Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
