honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she pinky promised me she was 18
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
