Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
