Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize