I'm so fucking centered right now
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
