Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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