Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
