make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
