I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
