I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
