I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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