Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
im on a boat
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