it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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