Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
