I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
