i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
NoShamevember. You game?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
