don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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