Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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