Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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