TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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