hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
