Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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