hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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