it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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