Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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