so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i love accidental penises.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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