I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize