about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it's great music for shaving your balls
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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