I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize