You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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