You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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