Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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