You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
