At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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