just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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