My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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