I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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