I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
