dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
