My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
