just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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