i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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