i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
