Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
