im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
