dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
