my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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