I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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