I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
