I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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