I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
