hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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