I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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