people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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