We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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