Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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