after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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