I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My feet surprised me
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