I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
