just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
