I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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