on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
