I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
