i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
