why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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