im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
