i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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