im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
