The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
