But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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