her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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