i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
