I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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