I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
