I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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