I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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